Welcome to Linda Ikeji's Blog: Photos from Friends Africa Dec 1 World AIDS Day no...

Welcome to Linda Ikeji's Blog: Photos from Friends Africa Dec 1 World AIDS Day no...: The World AIDS Day ‘Play for Life’ Novelty Football Match in partnership with Friends Africa’s Goodwill Ambassador, Mr Emmanuel Babayaro...

THE STORY OF MY LIFE

Well every story they say has a beginning and an end. My story is one that seems sweet but yet so silly and useless, I am not saying or can’t say my life is meaningless but can say my life is full of ups and downs.

My life started when I was born, twenty fourth day of the second month, of the year nineteen hundreds and eighty but started its journey when I struck seventeen. As I was growing surrounded with people who love me, I always thought “THIS LIFE IS SO FUN TO BE PART OF”.

At age seventeen I came across a very caring guy who did possibly all he could to make me happy, I liked him but hated almost everybody related to him. What is it with girls and gifts anyways? Well all I ever wanted was to take life step by step just the way it appears. Then the shadows of love at first sight came rolling in with this gorgeous sexy well built hunky guy, my heart melted away with his appearance. I was carried away and forgot I was supposed to be in a relationship with a caring guy.

Emeka* was the first guy I ever slept with. I was still a child as my parents used to say, and suddenly I saw myself being cuddled and protected by a hunk, living a life like a princess on campus. Yes I said campus, he made me go into the same school with him; we were looked at as the best couple on campus, little did I know that my man as a ladies man he was referred to by his friends had affairs all over the campus. When I found out I was all confused and got more and more depressed. I felt unhappy on all level. Everything started irritating me, his friends, his siblings, his appearance, everything.

I walked to his room one day with enough courage and told him I was tired of the cause I was reading and needed to change, he asked me why I simply said I was tired. I was a student of Bus. Admin and he was reading medicine, I made up my mind I wanted to be far away from him so I choose to read foreign languages which was taught in the other branch of the same University but like 4 – 5 towns away. He said we’ll go there together for him to access where I will be and what I will be doing, I said no problem, in my mind I had a plan, a plan to forget about him the moment I settle in the other school.

I settled well in my new school and found myself another cute looking guy, at that moment I knew that me that was so innocent and special was all gone. Obi* was so cute heads turn around when he passes but too quite and shy. We were having an affair that got to a point I was tired of it all. We were fun of each other only behind close doors; all I could think about was the hunky I left behind.

Then I was to go for my year abroad programs and to travel on Valentine’s Day, I heard a gentle knock on my door only to stand face to face with Emeka. Thank goodness I told Obi earlier that day that I need to be alone and will call him as soon I get there, not knowing that Emeka as stubborn as he was has placed a watch on me. “How are you doing?” “Am good and u?” “Am ok, thanks. So where is your boyfriend how come he is not here with you of all days?” speechless I didn’t know what to say I just kept calm. He handed me over a bag, I opened it to my surprise it was my valentine present, “thanks so much I didn’t expect this”, “I know and I know you have nothing for me not even a card. I will like to meet him, if you don’t mind” “meet who?” “Oh! Please don’t play that innocent look with me ok, I know all about him I just don’t want to disrespect you”. There I sensed trouble, I couldn’t increase his anger for I knew what it could’ve resulted to, I came closer to him looked at him straight into the eyes “if you still love me you will let go, I stopped seeing him ok”, I kissed him and continued packing my stuffs. He was speechless, well he got up and helped me pack my stuffs, drove me to the pack and I left for my program. I felt so guilty he was going to attack him in my absent, and I kept checking on him.

When I came back from my program, things changed, I found out Obi was dating someone else and Emeka was depressed with his course, he failed his 2^nd MB. Well with all that I decided to move on with my life and forget Obi. 2 months later, obi heard I had come back and came to see me but was shocked to hear I came in months ago and decided to walk. He pleaded for a come back but I made him understand that we weren’t made for each other and was in love with someone else. 

I went to retake a GS coarse a years later and to my surprise Emeka’s brother was d next person to me, we had a long chat and he told me how his mum rejected two of his brother’s girlfriends he presented as his wife and that made him happy for he kept on asking why it wasn’t me and got no answer as a reply. I was filled with disappointment and felt abandoned by the man who once claims he loves me and wishes for no one else but me; after staying in my house on his visit to the state where I served, smiling and eating my food, never mentioned his disappointments and his failed plans. Well to make this short he came to see me again and this time had the gods to propose to me without telling me a thing, I split it to his face and he was shocked, I sighed looked at him in tears and begged him to face his studies and I needed to take my studies serious too. He never found out how I knew but kept blaming his cousin who was close to me.

We all moved on and graduated, Emeka a Gynecologist, Obi an Engineer with an oil firm, me…a nobody at age 31, just a hustler trying to make ends meet. Still single and being flaunted by married men, from influential men to traders to entertainers all trying to offer me an opportunity of a lifetime but I rejected them all. Well I had couple of jobs and contracts but all turn out wrong which leaves me with the question did I take any wrong turn?

Yours, Mine & Mine

As husband and wife wat do we share? Would it be nice to hve individual sinks when we brush? And beds?

This days it amazes me how couples complain at each other. Wat makes it worst is irrelevant topics, I don't like the way u brush it irritates me! Your snooring is beginning to irritate me! Why must u look into my handbag? Why do u keep checking my messages? Why can't u make a gud dish just like sam's wife does?
Where exactly is all this coming from? Didn't they court before marriage? Weren't they compatible before they walked the aisle? For goodness sakes let's try and hide our dirty lineage sometimes, especially in the public.

My friend Tina was relocating from England and was to move into their new house with family, she came back to put the final touches to the house while her husband stayed back for work and the kids were to complete the semester. She decided to call up old friends for a quick cooktail. As we tour the beautiful mansion,she was showing us around and explaining stuffs. When we got to the master bedroom, I dashed into the bathroom quickly cos I was attracted by the touch of ocean blue on every spot of the toilet, on getting there I was speechless for like five minutes, unknowingly I screamed "wat's up with all these?" They all came to see wat I was screaming for, a huge size bathroom with everythng double, the sinks, d washbasins, d shower and bathtub..."Oh that,I don't like the too close attitude and it irritates me and sometimes my husband won't get out of the shower. Really! Why don't u join him in there? well me I will sure enjoy the goofy intimacy of brushing together, talking about the day's events in an unintelligible foamy garble. That is wat marriage is all about. Isn't it? It will be nice to hve your own sink Eunice," Tina said. I thought for a moment and ask "den wat do u share? She screamed happily bank accounts, cars, mailbox. Wat the hell is going on?

I don't understand really, some go as far as not using same toothpaste or tissue, is either his own is too hard or her paste has a feminine smell in my mouth. Bullshit.

couples don't share because no one's willing to compromise a friend said but I say they don't share because the are not compatible anymore, they need counselling.

THE HAND LUGGAGE CHALLENGE I FACE IN MY FIELD OF WORK

 CAN A COMPULSIVE OVER PACKER SURVIVE A 3 DAYS’ JOB WITH ONLY A HAND LUGGAGE?

It was Sunday night and I was relaxing in my room watching a movie suddenly the phone rang, it was a friend and colleague. He told me of a job and I needed to be at Abuja 1^st thing Monday morning, I rushed to my drawers pulled out cloths and stuffs. As I was sitting and staring down at my small hand suitcase, I cursed myself for accepting such job in a very short time and to crown it all I was thinking of going with just a small hand luggage – but then how can I resist such an offer in this hard times.  Besides, according to records people hardly wear or use all they traveled with. My normal packing strategy takes between 10 – 30 minutes: sweep beauty products into a was-bag; stack clothes for every opportune occasion into my suitcase; pile in electrical gadgets: hairdryer, camera and camcorder, laptop – before throwing in few last minute cloths, additions for good measures.

This time around, things couldn’t be more different. Guidelines say hand luggage can weigh no more than 10kg or am I mistaking? The emphasis is on packing light; I started by whittling down the contents of my make–up bag. With this on my mind, I’m forced to take just a few choice items of make–up with me. As I decant shampoo and conditioner into mini clear plastic bottles I lamented for my stubborn hair, it won’t see the intensive conditioning treatments. Well I eventually manage to pull together skinny jeans with its jacket, short, a singlet top, chiffon dress, my night wear and a T-Shirt. I toss in a face and my mini traveling towels, and lastly, I squeezed in some flats, with a heavy heart, I leave my lovely heels and wedges on the shoe rack wondering if it dusts will let them be.

My heart sinks as I try to ram the zip of the bag shut ‘it won’t zip up?’ To solve the dilemma I decided to wear my jeans and its jacket to the Airport, instead of the chiffon mini gown I had in mind. My colleague Buchi is bent double with laughter. ‘Skinny jeans and jackets are in this season, OK?’ I retort as I breeze up to the check–in desk. As our bags are placed on the scales, to my total shock, there both come in under weight, I was thrilled. Once on the flight, it’s reassuring to know our bags are safe above our heads and not on a flight to Sokoto and, when we landed an hour later, we shimmy smugly straight past baggage reclaim before hopping into the company car.

Day one of the trip leads me to doubt whether I made the right packing choices. My favorite skinny jeans are uncomfortable and my skirt is so creased when I unpack it that no amount of shower–room steaming would save it.

The next day, however, I got ready for the field in record time. Unlike past jobs, series of cloths scattered all over, can’t decide what to put on, etc. so I decided to arrange my stuffs, make a decision on what to wear daily and arrange them and our hotel room remain refreshingly tidy. By mid day the dress I wore to the field was all smelling of dust and heat and I couldn’t afford to change like I usually do, three times a day for I came in with a little and didn't want to be stuck with the same cloths in a row and will run out of outfit ideas. When on a job it feels weird, and out of point. Meanwhile, my hair was getting out of control lack of moisture and the harsh sun. I was definitely missing something, I lack my relaxed serene, the comfort of my room.

Day three finally came I needed to get out of there, for I realized all my clothing were dirty and I didn’t want to spend giving my cloths out for laundry. It all had that dubious aroma of stale heat and I was down to my last pair of combat trousers, with a T-Shirt I had arranged to travel back with. By the end of the day, we had a successful job and I gave myself kudos for not having a luggage crisis or a wardrobe breakdown but I can’t deny we both felt surprising liberated. Time spent in front of the mirror preening had been well spent in the field of work, dictating, typing, and correcting papers – and this could only be a good thing. There was no competition on the most fabulous looks, dress, clubbing and all that shit we enjoy doing, besides where was the time for all that?

My laid – back attitude was confirmed when I spilt coffee on my T-Shirt, it wasn't bad but I sure had no choice than to hold on to the same T-Shirt. I was surprise to find myself laughing at my act instead of freaking out, there is no denying this traveling around job has placed me refreshingly low–maintenance in just three days. I can pull off effortless chic after all. Eat your heart out, fashion!!!

MY VERDICT

I sure leant to keep time, realize what items I really needed for such journey and what I can do without when going for field work. I plan to make more for such trips.

http://www.naijapals.com/modules/naijapals/nigeria/topic,91338.0.html

THE RING… does it really mean a thing?

What is the worth of the RING? Can the price of the RING in the market be compared with the price of the RING in our hearts?

Victor and Nneka walked that beautiful aisle together seven yrs ago and happily said “I DO” without interruptions, was it a mistake to take that oath? Well according to Victor it was a mistake not known to both of them and for Nneka it was a huge mistake because she was busy accessing his pocket forgetting her happiness. their marriage took a wrong turn on the 14^th February 2010.

Victor had a meeting to attend at Kenya and had left the country two days before Valentine’s Day, with so much love in the air he promised to call her everyday and to keep her company on Val’s day. Those calls never came, Victor was carried away with whatever was keeping him busy in Kenya and lost track. “Well who am I to judge him, he claims his boss was with him and he could hardly make a step without him being on his neck but he pushed me to the goddamn wall, in fact he has being pushing me to the wall for over six months now. Can u believe my husband hadn’t had sex with me for six months now?

It was the 14^th February and my birthday, it was suppose to be my happiest day but it turned out to be the beginning of the end of a suppose to be lovely marriage as our friends addressed our marriage, my so called husband left the country promising to keep in touch but I didn’t hear from him and it is over three days now. Like I have always heard of his numerous affairs and pretended it was all lies, it all started ringing a bell, I have not had sex with my husband in six months because he is having an "AFFAIR", I most have gone wrong along the line, maybe am not that attractive anymore after all, maybe …enough with the maybes, your marriage is a failure girl and stop pretending it is glowing. Nneka Obiechena* it is time for u to get your groove back”, so she got up dresses to kill and left the house, she went to the mall, first to shop and make her self happy and sexy on her husband’s account, then watch a movie.

After shopping I decided to watch a movie all by myself, I went all the way to the back of the cinema hall sat in the dark all alone, didn’t know whether to scream, cry or laugh, but definitely it was ringing down my head there was trouble along by the corner. Then comes this hunky guy heading towards me, I didn’t bother to look up, he asked if he could join me on the role I nodded and he made himself comfortable 2 seats before me. As soon as he sat down a call came through …“Jenny I begged you to stop calling, we need a break please, it is not a break up ok, I just need some space. why do you want to know where i am? I have done everything for this to work but you keep pushing it, we cant have the wedding now like u said and  it's fine by me, you asked for an abortion after you took in and I allowed you do that to show you how much I love you and wanted us to be in this thing together but each time I make a good move you turn it down, so what do you want me to do?” His words were different from what I hear each time I remind Victor about babies, as he went on i couldn't hold myself, I started crying he was forced to drop the call and turned his attention to me, “madam are you alright? Being that the movie had not started I wonder what is making you cry, did I say or do anything wrong?” “No please, am so sorry don’t mind me, am sorry for listening to your phone conversation please, I was just having flashbacks of my life. I wish you both will make up and she will come to her senses and realize you truly care.” as i was talking he was busy stirring at me, in a surprising way.

“Nneka! Is it really you? Nneka Okpala*? Oh my! It’s like ages”, “please remind me am lost”, “it's me Dare, Dare Jones*! We attended UNN together, foreign languages, class of 2004.” ” You are kidding, my goodness you look so different, taller, bigger, how have u being?” “All good just for the conversation issue you overheard, my girl is making things hard for us but I think I have had it, I just can’t go down that road again. And I don’t have a listening ear to relate this to, because she's got everyone in her claws even my siblings. So tell me Nneka, I know we were never best of friends but what could be the problem, you were shading tears in public?” “It is a long story Dare” “ok, lets keep it short ok, I know you are having issues in your marriage, I might not have being your best friend then but you can count on me, we could be each other’s backbone, being that we are experiencing difficulties in our relationship. Do you care for dinner after the movie?” “How did u know I was married?” “Your beautiful stone “RING”.

That was how Nneka, the beautiful, sexy, obedient wife of Victor Obiechena* started an affair with a longtime schoolmate, was that fate or ...?

AFFAIRS… by the corner

Affairs here, affairs there why are more and more individuals especially married ones having affairs by the corner? Is someone unhappy? Is someone bewildered? Is someone bored? Or is it simply ecstasy?

In my world I think affairs are drugs with high addictions and are to be kept on security watch just like cocaine. The lies, sneaking around, the deceptions and all the dangers associated with it all add to the hunger for it. When a victim of this addiction, it is rare to see one pull out of it without being hurt, as weak and highly emotional as I am I don’t know if I‘ll ever stop an affair if I start one with a strong bond. I just wonder what may have happened and stirred up this shameful act.

Some individuals have become so addicted to their affairs, all day, every second all they think of is how they can sneak out, or how they will end the day with a huge lie. They fantasy only on how they are being spoiled with stuffs and the sex that is out of this world! Most of all they are being flattered that their partners in crime is the only listening ear they have and the only one that matters at that moment and makes them happy. When they are together in their wonderland like Alice they lose all track of time.

Let’s look around us and go through one or two stories of the endangerment of affairs, and also look into the healthy sides of this same word “AFFAIR”. Well am not saying it is good to have an affair by the corner, am simply saying they are areas attached to “affairs by the corner” that are healthy, take for instant a widow having an affair by the corner just say a months after his or her partner passes away. What do you think? Is that affair healthy or not? 

Let’s look at Tina* the heavenly girl, an orphan, yet responsible and hardworking; it took her 3yrs after school to get a job as a marketer in a bank. On that sunny day after she got in from being sexually harassed by a client, she went in straight to her boss’s office to report the incident only to be faced with another “I received a call from Mr. Lade* threatening to close his accounts, please for peace to rain, you go back and undo what you did because if he closes his accounts we all go down in this branch, have a good day miss Tina”.  She went home so unhappy and sad her uncle came back and asked her what the problem was, she explained what happened and yet received the worst answer, “who is a saint these days, you have got to shine your eyes and do better than others in other to survive." Tina left with regrets, what do you think will be her next move? Dance to the tune or stay being responsible Tina?

Sammy got a good job going with a consulting firm, and was expecting his 1^st promotion but was scared because his unit boss didn’t like him. On the other hand his overall boss in his branch a lady was so fun of him and sometimes tells him her sister was very much available and she will do all it takes to get him up there. Sammy innocently smiled at everything she said thereby taking it to be a joke. Then the deal came up; he was called by his unit boss one day and asked what he is always discussing with the boss? He said nothing serious just jokes, but she went ahead and gave him a query anyways. Who are you to argue with the boss? Then a colleague of his called him up that the overall boss needed to see him, on getting to her office he saw two pretty smiling faces. “I told you my sister was gorgeous didn’t I?” What next?

Beautiful Nneka, happily married with two kids was a staff with a well known telecom as a customer care officer, a figure so stunning like a goddess. The very first day she started work everyone wanted to be her friend, even the customers forget to close their mouths when they watch her move. In fact i will say most come with problems on purpose just to steal her time. As Nneka was coming to work on a bright morning, she meet her boss by the entrance door, he wouldn't stop smiling, "are you my staff?" "yes sir, good morning sir" little did she know that was the beginning of her troubles. From that day onward he will do everything possible to talk to her, call her into his office, send her on errands, invite her for lunch till he spelt out his intentions, she gladly told him she was married and flung her beautiful "RING" but the reply she got was heart breaking " are u the first to be? Am married, so is your unit boss and so many others or are u a kid? Who will be telling your husband about our little affair by the corner?" what do you think was Nneka's situation?

According to an article in Newsweek of July 2004 entitled “The New Infidelity” a survey on US couples showed that 40% married females were doing the by the corner dirty job on their spouses. There is also more and more confusion between men and women concerning their roles, so many women are seeing themselves through their husband’s eyes while some lazy sit at home men are hoping on their wives pockets, mostly forgetting the endangerments attached to such roles. Some reasons why married people cheat on their spouse are for excitement and adventure, companionship, romance, lust, one-night stands, revenge, escaping mundanity and… you fill in the blank space.

Affair are often level one addictions, any psychologist will tell you it's an escape from boredom and an inactive life but not all is caused by the thrill, it's a way of punishing a partner who is cheating many will say but my question still remains "THE RING"... does it really mean a thing?

NOTE: All names mentioned are not real